The Kid Commandments

Riddle me this: How is it possible that a child raised by two crust-eating parents, with no siblings to influence her otherwise and no exposure to daycare or preschool, suddenly wakes up one morning and demands that the crusts be cut off of all her sandwiches?

A phenomenon like this can only mean one thing: kids are far more organized than we thought. They may not be able to tie their shoelaces or get the straws into their Capri Suns without help (don't get me started on what kind of child-hater invented those suckers--flimsy straws, straw holes that are apparently reinforced with steel, and pouches guaranteed to squirt juice in your lap at the slightest touch? Tell me that's not a practical joke being played at school lunchtimes across America every single day. Cruelty, I say!), but apparently they've gotten together and decided on a handful of universal practices that are faithfully upheld by all of kid-kind.

How else do you explain how all children, regardless of location or upbringing, have the following things in common?

• The Hot Lava Game: Visit any playground and you'll find at least one group of kids dangling/jumping precariously over sand, sidewalk, or grass that has been declared to be made of hot lava. Why the obsession? How many kids have ever been anywhere near an active volcano before, anyway?
• "Ooooooooooooooooooooh?!!!" When another child is about to be in Big Trouble, all kids use this exact same exclamation in exactly the same way. You know how it goes. The first kid who ever uttered it would be a millionaire if there were royalties on such things.
• The World is My Kleenex: Public nose-picking, and leaving a Hansel-and-Gretel-like trail of their bogeys, seems to be a fundamental practice of all children. There is no trace of shame involved: my kindergarteners look me straight in the eye, with their fingers straight up their noses, all the time and appear shocked and/or confused when I ask them to cease and desist.
• and, of course, Bread Crust is the Devil.

I'm not entirely sure when the indoctrination takes place--maybe that's what's really happening after you give birth and they claim they're taking the baby away to be "cleaned up and weighed"--but it's very effective.

Did I miss any?