Holiday Manifesto II: Scroogery Revisited

Last year, I blathered at length about simplifying our holidays, cutting down our 25+ person shopping list, and generally scaling back on the giant gift orgy that Christmas was starting to become in our family. Why? A few reasons, really.

First of all, I'm something of a minimalist. Sure, I love Target as much as the next girl, and no one here at the Bears' Den is without their luxuries, but when it comes to the topic of Stuff, I'm generally of the opinion that less is more...and better. Seeing stuff sitting around the house that isn't getting used drives me insane and fills me with guilt. Period.

Secondly, Bear and I are now parents, so we're in the highly challenging business of Not Raising Spoiled Brats. Commercials, grandparents, toy manufacturers, cartoons, and Santa himself are hard at work against us, and it's an ongoing battle we may not win...but even if we lose, we're going down fighting!


Here's the thing: we all talk a big game to our kids about the "true meaning of Christmas" and how the holidays are about family, friends, and giving to others. The problem is, we say this on the way to Target and Toys "R" Us, where we load up carts full of Stuff we can't afford and that the kids won't even be playing with by New Year's. We urge them to sit down with toy catalogs and make lists of everything they want, and camp out like Star Wars geeks outside stores to get it all. When they misbehave, we issue the ultimate threat: "Knock that off right now, or Santa won't bring you any presents!" Which is speaking louder here: the actions, or the words?

And then we get together and lament how our kids just don't understand how lucky they are and have no concept of what the holidays are "really all about" because all they care about are the gifts they're going to get. So, to teach them a lesson about giving (and maybe to ease our own conscience a little), we squeeze in time to pick a tag off the angel tree, or donate a toy or a book somewhere, or "adopt" a needy family, and hope this somehow balances it all out.

Don't get me wrong: I'm all for charity, anytime of year, for any reason. I just feel like, if we're brutally honest with ourselves, sometimes holiday giving is more a way of buying ourselves out of the guilt of overindulging ourselves and our kids all year long--kind of like people who act like jerks six days a week and then "erase" it all by showing up at church on Sunday. And hey, I'm not pointing fingers--Bear and I aren't winning any awards in this department so far, either.

So why bring this all up again, when I've already spewed plenty on this topic already? I guess I'm feeling a little defensive, because I'm sure our ongoing attempts to move toward a less materialistic holiday existence are seen as Scroogery by some of the people around us. Grandparents want to spoil their grandkids, and I don't blame them for being a little miffed when we ask them not to show up with dozens of presents for Christmas, Hanukkah, and birthdays...or not to give the girls gifts for each others' birthdays "so everyone has something to open"...or pleasefortheloveofchocolate not to buy them a $300 Power Wheels Corvette, ever, for any reason. (Sorry, Mom and Dad!)

I'm sure they wonder, why not? And the answer is this:

Because they have plenty of stuff already (and much of it is hand-me-down or from craigslist, but still...it's obscene, isn't it?):


Because after about three presents, they get overwhelmed and overstimulated, anyway.

Because we want them to know everything isn't always about gifts...or about them. Sometimes it's someone else's special day, and your job is to honor THEM.

Because the more excessive the gifts this year, the higher their expectations will be next year...and none of us can afford to keep up with that trend.

Because right now, every time we get together, the girls are excited to see their family--not excited to see what presents their family has brought them this time. And we want to keep it that way.

And because despite the huge playroom full of toys, they spend a ton of time playing with things like tablecloths...


...and light switches...


...and yardsticks:


So while we adore our families, appreciate their generosity, and know nothing makes them happier than to give as much as they possibly can to their loved ones, we're asking again this year that they go light on the spending. Memories are free (ish), don't take up any space, and last a whole lot longer than anything you'll find at Toys "R" Us, anyway, so let's give the girls lots of those instead. It's the only thing on Bear's and my wish list this year!