Little Hoarders

We have the makings of many a TLC freak-show here at the Bears' Den. For one thing, Keira has recently announced that she's going to marry a girl--not so freakish in itself, except that we're pretty sure she has Ellie in mind. (My e-friend Sarah suggests we entitle that show "Sister Wives: The Other Kind.") My incessant watching and quoting of "Friends" probably qualifies me for a stint on "Intervention," and there's a chance their constant need to consume their own bath water--gag!--might qualify both girls for "Freaky Eaters." Above all else, though, Bear and I are totally convinced we're raising a new generation of "Hoarders."

Keira started it. We're not really sure when or why it began, but over the past year or two, she's become obsessed with little containers full of random stuff. For a while, she insisted on carrying these things with her everywhere, but we've started forcing her to relax on that a little bit, both for the sake of having room for, say, ANYTHING ELSE in the car, and because of the drama involved when she lost or forgot something. Over time, the size of the containers has grown from tiny little treasure boxes and purses, to full-size reusable grocery bags full of Important Things. Like what, you might ask? Let's take a look-see at the many bags she currently has stocked up.

This is from a pink bag my parents gave her last weekend (it's a well-known fact in our families that all cute boxes and bags are sure to delight Kiwi), so it sure didn't take her long to fill it up!

Apparently, you never really know when you're going to need a Little People Hanukkah gift or the contents of every goody bag you've received in the last two months!

Here's her Kiwi-size backpack, which you wouldn't think would fit much stuff inside. You would be wrong. I love that she has one gardening glove and a tiny tea set in there, plus some kind of prayer card (in Spanish, no less) and our "Word World" DVD. Do we have a DVD player in the car, or anywhere else Keira travels to? No.



Then I decided to take a glance under her bed. That's just one of the 3 shoe boxes I found under there, and you can see the little basket she's stowing away under there, too.



What's in those two big bags?
One is surprisingly empty. That's the little yellow flower pillow she sewed with her new beginner sewing kit, and the cool digital camera she also got for her birthday. Okay. This stuff makes sense.



And the other bag?

Uh, yeah. That would be an old preschool homework packet, a bunch of books and assorted papers, and a couple of stuffed animals. At the very bottom are some bead necklaces, a doll's hairbrush, and a whistle. All essential items that must be carefully hidden and guarded, of course.

As if Kiwi wasn't enough of a hoarder herself, she's already started roping Ellie into it, too. A few months ago, I noticed that Keira would flip out if Ellie left the house empty-handed: "Ellie!! You forgot MISTER DINOSAUR! *tears* YOU NEED MISTER DINOSAUR!! Mom, you have to go GET it for her! She can't leave without him!!" And sure enough, Ellie would join in: "I neeeeeed Mister Dinosaur, Mommeeeee!!" This is a toy she'd played with often enough, but had no particular attachment to...before Keira's propaganda began, that is!

Now, before we go on any outing, Ellie needs to pack her bags. She runs around the house, frantically gathering up a giant grocery bag full of complete and utter nonsense: a set of coasters off the coffee table, a jump rope, one doll shoe, a piece of tracks from the train set, a Strawberry Shortcake chair, some refrigerator magnets...whatever she can find that will have, and I must emphasize this, no actual entertainment value or purpose whatsoever. If we attempt to get her into the car without giving her time to pack a sufficient volume of junk, a freakout ensues. This junk inevitably end up all over the floor in the backseats of both cars, and every few weeks it takes many a trip back and forth to empty it all back into the house. And then the sorting begins, and I spent eons putting everything back where it goes.

As adorable and amusing as this can be, they must be stopped!

As of this week, Bear and I are instituting a new rule: each of the girls can only bring a stuffed animal or doll into the car. We have a basket of books in the back seat, too. That's it. We may need to start hiding all boxes, bags, and other containers until the urge to gather random items from around the house gradually lessens. It's like "What Not to Wear," only it's "What Not to Bring." We should film ourselves going through these bags and tossing the contents into a giant trash can as we mock each one, a la Stacy and Clinton...except that it would totally traumatize the girls, of course, so we'll refrain.

If this doesn't work out, Plan B is just to start filming footage now for a brand-new TLC show entitled "Nudist Hoarder Lesbian Jewish Christian Agnostic Sister Wives." It's sure to be a hit!