Exercise in Futility

You know what's more hilarious yet useless than trying to do Jillian Michaels' "30-Day Shred" DVD with two young children in the room? Nothing!

The last time I attempted to get on the Shred bandwagon was about a year ago, and involved doing push-ups with Keira squatting down a millimeter from my face, instructing, "You have to drop it down, Mama. She said to drop it DOWN." Thanks, future fitness instructor! I couldn't manage to push myself up because I was laughing too hard, and quickly concluded that exercise would need to take place when Mini-Jillian was in bed. Of course, this interfered with my strict sleeping and TV-watching regimen, so needless to say, I ended up abandoning the Shred.

Getting in shape isn't one of my numerous New Year's Resolutions, because a) it's such a cliche and b) it would pretty much guarantee it wouldn't happen, but I found a group online that was about to start 30 days of this DVD and figured I'd give it another shot. I've always wanted to know what life is like as a Flat-Stomached Person Who Tries on Bathing Suits Without Grimacing, and often have visions of myself as a 90-year-old woman looking back at photos of 30-year-old me and saying, "Why didn't you just work at it a little? You weren't that far off!" No time like the present to make an attempt, right? I'd like to at least prove to myself that I have the self-discipline to keep something up for longer than a few days.

I managed to get up before the girls for the first 3 days, and then foolishly decided to attempt Day 4 in the presence of both Kiwi and Ellie-Bug. I told my underwear-clad firstborn, "I'm going to change into my exercise clothes," and she replied, "Me, too!" Two minutes later, I emerged from my room in a tank top and shorts; Keira emerged from her room in...a different pair of underwear. When I asked where her workout clothes were, she replied seriously, "This is it! [snapping the waistband] These are my exercise underwear." Now I totally have visions of her going to prom in satin underwear, job interviews in wool underwear, skiing in waterproof underwear, her wedding in white tulle underwear... (I wonder what the record is for most uses of the word underwear in a single blog entry?)

As soon as I started the DVD, I realized Mini-Jillian and her little sister, 23 Pounds of Extra Weight, weren't going to make this easy on me. As if I needed more of a challenge with Miss "Unless You Puke, Faint, or Die, Keep Going!!" calling the shots from my TV screen! It's tough to say which was the best part:

Ellie sitting on my back during push-ups?

Keira coaching, "You need to stick your butt out more, Mom"?

Ellie trying to hug my leg while I did jumping jacks?

Keira's hilarious attempts at push-ups and "butt kicks"?

Here are some pics and a blurry video of her in action:

Clearly, all future attempts at completing this workout should be done solo if I aim to accomplish anything beyond a little entertainment. Laughter is supposedly the best medicine, but I'm not sure it'll cure a flabby midsection!