Facebook Friday: Slacker Edition

Well, color me lame.

The whole reason I started a blog--well, one of them--was that I eventually want to set aside the eleventy billion hours it will take to edit it into a (many?) book(s) so we have a record of all of our funny and memorable moments raising these cubs. The problem is...well, there are a few problems lately:

1) Our desktop computer is old and slow, and is in the kitchen. Sitting down to blog after the girls are in bed means missing out on valuable couch-sitting, TV-watching, and Bear-snuggling time (not necessarily in that order!), which means I have a hard time convincing myself to fire up the dinosaur and get started.

2) Our Bear's iPad (which I totally scoffed at and am now totally addicted to) is new and fast, but about the 47th time I type "Zi" instead of "capital I," Zi want to throw the touch screen at the wall.

3) Facey-face. Yes, to the list of all the other evils in the world caused by Facebook--social awkwardness, wasted time, knowing way too much about an acquaintance's kid's bathroom habits (oh, wait...is that one me??)--we can also add that I'm now far too lazy to blog when I can just text a quick status update whenever one of the girls cracks me up.

So, since the last time I did a Facebook Friday was, oh, back in JULY of last year, this book I'm supposedly someday going to print up is going to be missing a lot of important, awesome, and/or hilarious stuff unless I catch up, and quick. Those of you who are friends with me on Facey-Face will find this post, then, to be completely useless and redundant. Sorry about that.

8/14/11
Today is our lucky 7th wedding anniversary! Tried to convince Bear it's also Take Your Overtired Shriekazoid Toddler to Work Day, but he's not buying it. Happy anniversary, Beh-Beh...I love you always and always!

Keira's bday wish list (written herself): red stuffed Angry Bird for her, blue one for Ellie, & the ability to fly. I got the birds.

8/20/11 (leaving for Bittle Road Trip to Michigan)
‎"All great road trips begin with tears, forgotten items, and birds pooping on the windshield." -Me Off we go for real now!

Left Bear & the girls love note Post-Its hidden all over the house to fill my absence. He texted "It's been a charming version of Memento this morning." Ha!

8/21/11
Crazy Tomato Truck Driver in WY feels I am a pretty lady who cannot be "one of those crazy liberal bitches from CA." He is wrong on several counts. Bye, Crazy!

I have been gone for 36 hours and my children have yet to notice. Just for that, they aren't getting any awesome souvenirs from Lincoln, Nebraska.

8/22/11
Having a Samwise Gamgee moment: "If I take one more step, it'll be the farthest from home I've ever been." (Note to self: travel more.)

8/23/11
At Detroit airport waiting for my first solo flight! (That makes it sound like I'll be flying the plane. Hopefully, I will not.) Back to Bear & my girls soon!

8/24/11
Today's Plan A: Do my best impersonation of a human and teach things to children. Plan B: obtain 31 tranquilizer darts & institute all-day naptime in 2nd grade.

8/29/11
I asked my brother the other day what else they still need for the baby (due in a few weeks). He said, "I have NO idea. We have a crib and two chair thingies and a swing and a high chair and some little basket thing and...I assume we are going to HOLD her at some point?"

8/30/11
Dollar Tree is full of treasures:




8/31/11
All that's left of Musical Beds Day is to assemble Keira's twin bed now. Bear said he's surprised I haven't cried yet that we have no more babies left in cribs...good thing my siblings keep having babies so I can get my fix!

9/8/11
"Dogs are great pets because if you have cats too, you'll never have to clean the litter box because dogs eat cat poop." -Second Grader

9/10/11
The girls like to offer Bear bizarre advice when he leaves for work: Ellie just told him to "look out for nice turtles!" and Keira likes to remind him, "Don't go to sleep with eggs in your brain!" ????

9/13/11
Me, texting with Bear during his all-day managers' meeting: "Did you bust out the treats I made yet?" Him: "Yes. It was like when they fed the cow to the velociraptors in Jurassic Park." Apparently retail managers go for chocolate Krispie treats and brownies...woohoo!

9/15/11
My daughter the nudist has asked that we buy a pole for our house. She claims she might want to be a firefighter when she grows up and is worried she won't know how to slide down. I'm not buying it (her story OR the pole).

9/17/11
Ellie, when I snuggle with her each might before bed: "I'm biiiiig." Pause, then big, slightly evil grin. "And Sissy is SMAAAALL." Little sister fantasies....so cute.

9/19/11
Keira, sadly: "We're a broken family." Me: "What? Why?!" Keira: [sigh] "Because Daddy's at work." Can you say...drama queen? (I later found out she was quoting Lilo & Stitch.)

9/20/11
Today after preschool, Keira gets to meet her new cousin Cassidy. Today BEFORE preschool, I accidentally sprayed her hair with vinegar instead of water, which required a last-minute shower. Guess which piece of information she can't wait to share with everyone at preschool?

9/21/11
Ellie, tearfully: "But I don't WANT Sissy to go to preschool!" Keira, patiently: "But the more days I go to preschool, the more things I'll have in my mind to teach you, Ells. Maybe while I'm there I'll write you a note. And I won't be there forever. I always come back to you!"

9/24/11
Ellie: "I wish I could fly!" Keira: "I've been wishing that for years."

9/26/11
Keira thinks guacamole is pronounced "ROCK-a-MALL-ee." This brings us great joy, so nobody correct her, OK?

9/27/11
"When you make me wear brown pants & a green shirt, I just feel like a tree." -Keira. I don't think she even owns a green shirt.

9/28/11
I like to tell Ellie she's some kind of food and then pretend to gobble up her neck, and then she does it back (once, she called me a Kids Meal!). Tonight, I said, "You're a banana!" and started gobbling. She pushed me away and said, "You have to peel me first!"

10/4/11
Hello, fall! What took you so long?


10/18/11
When the girls watch "Iron Chef" with Bear, Keira gets grossed out by the "red stuff" coming out of the fish when they cut it open. Somehow, she decided that it must be raspberry filling, and Bear chose not to correct her, so now she thinks various living things have raspberry filling. This is going to come back and bite us one day--I'm sure of it--but for now, it's kind of funny!

10/19/11
Keira: "There's always obstacles in the way of getting candy." Did I mention we also have the children's book version of Seinfeld's Halloween bit?

10/24/11
Me: "Does your Angry Bird have a name?"Ellie:" Yep!"Me: "What's his name?"Ellie: "Angry Bird!" I look forward to meeting my future grandchildren, Baby and Human.

10/26/11
Me: "Oops. I didn't need to get into this lane!" Keira: "Silly Mom. That's why DADDY is the best driver. [a few minutes later] Mom, why are you going 80? You're only supposed to go 70!"

10/29/11
Keira, giggling hysterically: "What if there was a jack in the box with a big foot inside that would come out and kick you in the butt!" Patent lawyer, anyone?


Well, thanks to Facebook's new timeline feature, that only took me about, oh, all freaking night to compile, so it looks like it's going to take me quite a few Fridays to catch up!