Square (Red) Eyes

Remember that whole "Let Keira watch less TV?" thing? That went really, really well...for three days. Whether it was pure coincidence or not, her behavior on those minimal-TV days was nearly perfect, so we'll definitely be back to regularly scheduled NON-programming tomorrow.

When the Mystery Illness showed up, however, we figured relaxing the new policy and letting her lay on the couch and indulge in a "Max and Ruby" marathon for a couple of days was only fair. (And my prediction about her abandoning "Dora" seems to have come true: she's all about those two apparently-orphaned bunnies now.) As a result, we're pretty sure that, to borrow an expression from Bear's mom, her eyes are turning square from all the screen time.

Speaking of her eyes, yesterday, they got all red and puffy, and she looked like she'd joined Toddler Fight Club again. Here's a picture of what they look like today, which isn't nearly as bad:

Her fever never came back last night, and her hives are almost gone today, so we're hoping this means whatever it is has finally decided to leave her alone.  Since the red, puffy eyes are still coming and going, though, and she randomly acts lethargic and says she's still not feeling well, the doc had blood drawn today and we'll have some results tomorrow.  Poor kiddo.  She cried so hard when they stuck her, and afterward she must've been feeling woozy and cried, "I'm not feeling so good, Mommy!  I don't know what the problem is!!"  The lab tech got a kick out of that and said, "She sounds like one of those Your Baby Can Read Kids!  Where'd she learn to say something like that?"  Shrug.  She told us the other day that her feet "feel frustrated."  We've always read to her a lot, and I know she picks up some big words from the Fancy Nancy books...wait, who am I kidding?  Everything she knows, she learned from Nick Jr.

I try not to worry too much until I know for sure there's something to worry about, but it's hard not to start playing "What if...?" so hopefully everything will get cleared up tomorrow.  If not, we'll have to resort to paging Dr. House again.

And now that we're back on the topic of screen time (I'm all about the segue today, aren't I?), I'd like to revel for a few moments in the fact that I've seen a total of FIVE movies in the past couple of weeks...which I'm pretty sure is more than I saw in all of 2009!  Bittle was in town, so the two of us felt compelled to see idiotic chick flicks, beginning with Did You Hear About the Morgans?, which certainly fit the bill.  Hugh Grant, formerly all boyish and dopey, now looks haggard and...well, still dopey.  The script and acting were horrible, even by romantic comedy standards: at one point, Bittle was forced to reference Joey from "Friends" and declare that one supporting actor was "not even convincing as a human."  Because Bittle and I are literature geeks, it did still inspire a lengthy discussion about whether studios are overcompensating for a lack of positive or starring roles for black actors by now overrepresenting them in law enforcement roles (and whether those roles are really positive when the plot of almost every movie calls for the cops to be utter morons).  Like I said, geeks!  Lame movie, but fun times for us nonetheless.

That night, in an act that earned him approximately 29 billion brownie points (which he will undoubtedly redeem for actual brownies someday), Bear rented Twilight for us.  This is a feat that surpasses even buying tampons, because it calls into question a) his judgement and b) his identity as a man, so clearly he loves me a great deal.  Bittle had seen the movie before and declared it "so epicly bad that it must be seen," and she was indeed correct.  Hilarious.

A few quick questions about this movie:  Why doesn't anyone else find Edward's hair to be preposterous?  Why does Kristen Stewart appear to be having a bowel movement and/or holding vomit in her mouth with every single line she utters?  Is this her way of portraying angst?  And is she deliberately trying to channel Neve Campbell, or did she just watch enough "Party of Five" in her youth that she's doing it unconsciously?  Finally, being that we have the technology to make cell phones the size of cough drops and that Peter Jackson was able to create elves, dwarves, and hobbits that looked entirely convincing...how hard would it have been for the makeup people to make the vampires look pale but NOT like clowns??

We followed up that giggle-fest by seeing New Moon in the theater, and found it to be considerably less bad.  (Are we the only ones who were a little amused at the scene where Shirtless Jacob yelled at Bella about how “It’s not a lifestyle choice, Bella. I was born this way.” while a gang of his shirtless male buddies waited nearby in the woods?  I'm not sure that scene played out the way they intended it...) 

A few days later, we made a date with The Clooney and saw Up in the Air, which was awesomeawesomeawesome--much better than I thought Juno was--and solidified my passage into adult womanhood by confirming that I find George Clooney far more attractive than Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner.  Combined.  Much like Jon Stewart, the graying hair is only helping matters for The Clooney...am I right?

Finally, Bear and I saw Avatar in 3D, which I figured would put a down payment on that Twilight debt I owe him.  Remind me to ask my Marine friend George whether the phrase "We're not in Kansas anymore, ladies!" is actually barked by an officer at some point in every mission, or if that's just some law that was passed in Hollywood a decade or two ago.  Aside from a fair amount of cheese and a not-entirely-unique storyline (once you take away all the fancy technology components, anyway), it was pretty impressive and definitely worth seeing in 3D!

So, to sum up: Keira's eyes are red, puffy, and square.  Mine are quickly going square.  (And that's not even counting TV: "The Bachelor," "Biggest Loser," "Project Runway," "American Idol," and "LOST"  are all coming back. I'm doomed.)  Bear is a heterosexual, despite what the cashier at Blockbuster might think. And Ellie?  According to the growth chart at today's checkup, Ellie is underweight (25th percentile). 

That's about as believable as vampires and werewolves!