"Friends" Don't Let Friends Do Homework

I have homework that is way overdue. A lot of homework. As a teacher, this is both ironic and shameful, although, fortunately for me, I have no grades or class trips riding on whether or not I ever complete these assignments. Instead of teachers hovering over me with gradebooks and threats, I have family and friends who, out of the kindness of their hearts, have assigned--and, in many cases, loaned--me books and TV shows with guarantees that I will love what they love.

Do I believe them? Absolutely. I count Bear's sister, Bittle, Melanie, Heidi, Emily, and Silas' Mommy as people who know me fairly well and who have, as far as I can see, pretty impeccable taste when it comes to these things. Many of them, in fact, are responsible for the fact that I reluctantly picked up the Twilight series last year, and then spent two weeks repeatedly reminding myself that it is NOT okay to lock one's children in a dog crate, even if it's only for long enough to finish just one...more...chapter. (And yes, I do realize that using the words "impeccable taste" in reference to people who read and love Twilight is a little bit hilarious.)

Why, then, have years of persuasion and endorsements still not convinced me to dive into this?


Or this?


Or this?


Or this?


Or this?


Or this?


(If I've left out something you happen to have recommended and/or loaned me, only to have also been met with a series of Not Yet's and I'll Watch It This Summer's, feel free to smack me. The line starts here.)

Like any student neglecting her assignments, I do have excuses. There are too many good shows already on TV, I say. That excuse works until about June, when everything's on hiatus for the summer and weeks upon weeks' worth of time slots remain unfilled. (What, you want me to fill that time with activities? Athletic endeavors? Intellectual pursuits? Pssshaw!)

I'm not in the mood right now, I say. That would probably apply if I didn't have THE BROADEST RANGE OF GENRES IMAGINABLE!! in this particular queue.

I'm too tired after the girls go to bed, I say. I sprawl out on the couch and start to doze off within half an hour...when do I have time for any of this stuff?

But for reals? It's not lack of time or opportunity that stands between me and my queue. It's my friends--not the friends who recommended this stuff, but my "Friends":


It's not my fault; it's Chandler's, Joey's, Monica's, Rachel's, Ross', and Phoebe's! The truth is that while I may not "have time" to watch any of my assigned shows or read any of my assigned books, I've seen every season on DVD enough times to recite them from memory...and still stop to watch the reruns on TV if I happen upon them. It's an addiction. Actually, it's more like my equivalent of Keira's Blankie, to the extent that if I've had an exceptionally bad day, Bear will automatically ask, "Which season do you want me to put in for you?"

So there you have it. I simply lack the desire to find out whether anything else can possibly compete with "Pivot! PIVOT!!" or "Hey, I'm Chandler...could I be wearing any more clothes??" Sure, it's entirely possible that I could finally delve into any of my assignments and find myself addicted to those as well, but the power of familiarity is just too strong. Basically, what I'm saying is, you want me to watch your show or read your book? You're probably gonna have to strap me to a chair and forcibly remove Season 4 Disc 3 out of my DVD player.

Who's bringing the duct tape?