Elliana's Revenge

Every parent--every human, really--has had at least One of Those Days, where the universe seems to become one giant episode of "Punk'd" and you're the (very underdressed, underpaid) celebrity victim. Thursday was mine.

It began with my plan to spend the morning at the DMV with my two young children. Fantastic idea, right? (Did I mention that I backed into one of our cars with the other car last week? Or that I went grocery shopping the following day and then discovered I'd left my wallet at home? Clearly, I am a few fries short of a Happy Meal lately.)

I prepared diligently, packing snacks, Keira's dry-erase board and a marker, some of Ellie's favorite board books, and a tiny flask of whiskey for me. (Just kidding about that last part, but it would've been my best idea all day if I had.) On the way out the door, I remembered that the diaper bag was missing a change of clothes for Ellie, so I threw that in my purse, too, and off we went.

We arrived at the DMV ready for battle--me versus the girls' mischief AND me versus the DMV's outrageous $182 penalty for not paying the car registration we never knew was due. Like a kid on Christmas morning, I took one look at the near-empty parking lot and thought, "I picked the perfect day to come here!! We'll be out in no time! Victory is mine!!"

Thursday was Veteran's Day. The DMV was closed.

Enter Plan B: Kill some time at the bookstore until Keira starts preschool. No point in driving the 40 minutes back home at this point.

About five minutes into the bookstore experience, I became acutely aware of two things at the exact same time:

1) Elliana stinks.
2) I forgot the diaper bag at home.

Why don't public restrooms have diaper dispensers? I would've paid $10 for one at that moment! Using what they did have, however, and earning my Resourceful Mom Merit Badge, I emptied Ellie's diaper into the toilet, stuck pantiliners inside it to protect her delicate hiney from any poo remnants, and put the diaper right back on her as a temporary (and somewhat less stinky) solution.

Take that, Thursday! You're not getting me down that easily!

After we stopped to buy diapers, I took the girls to lunch. That was pretty peaceful, until, as she sat in her high chair drinking her cup of water through a straw, Elliana suddenly looked up at me with total panic on her face. It took me several seconds to realize she'd pierced the bottom of her styrofoam cup with the straw, and was sitting in an inch-deep and ever-growing puddle of ice water. Good thing I'd at least brought her change of clothes along; not such a good thing that the shirt I'd grabbed turned out to have a big stain on the front. Or that I didn't have a change of clothes along for myself...or for Keira, who dripped BBQ sauce on her dress and was now going to arrive at preschool sporting the ever-trendy "polka-dot condiment" look.

At that point, it was just funny. Okay, Thursday. You win. It's windy. It's cold. I'm wet. My children look disheveled. I still owe the DMV an extra $182. I'd wave the white flag, but I forgot it at home.

It served me right, really, and I think this entire series of events was karmic revenge for a few nights ago, when I discovered Ellie in a rage over not being able to climb (further) inside the Barbie Corvette...and then went to get my camera and snap a picture before helping her out.


Two pictures, actually.


(I love how poor, carjacked Barbie is lying there helplessly on the trampoline.)

So really, I asked for it. And since there are far worse things than spending an afternoon with two sloppily-dressed-yet-adorable and fun little girls...and since I think those pictures are totally hilarious...it was SO worth it.