Spray Tans & Sequins Cure All

I used to consider myself a fairly intelligent, well-informed person. I followed the news. Bear and I saw Important Movies. I read Serious Books. I rolled my eyes at the likes of "The Bachelor" and Twilight--not really because I was a total book/movie/TV snob (I had seen Beerfest and Jackass...in the theater, no less) but because I didn't have much of a need for habitual, mindless entertainment.

Enter parenthood. Sometime within the past few years, even as I've lost touch with a huge chunk of pop culture--I had to google Justin Bieber, in fact, to find out a) how to pronounce his name and b) who the hell he is--I've started indulging in some seriously idiotic forms of entertainment...and loving it. Maybe it's the all-consuming responsibility of caring for other human beings all day; or perhaps it's a growing awareness of just how much sadness there is in the world outside our happy little Bears' Den. In any case, sometimes there's almost nothing I look forward to more at the end of a day than collapsing on the couch and killing off a few brain cells. Drugs? No. Alcohol? Rarely. Vapid women competing over equally vapid men? Ohhh, yeah!

I know there are better, more life-enhancing things to do with my spare time than watch spray-tanned, sequined pseudo-celebrities attempt to dance. I really, really do. There's some major, high-quality literature out there I haven't read (how did I complete AP English and get a bachelor's degree in the subject without ever laying eyes on a word Steinbeck wrote??), and...brace yourselves, people...I've never seen The Shawshank Redemption. Or Citizen Kane. Ask me which "Project Runway" designer is the most overrated, however, or which "Biggest Loser" contestant will be the most successful, and I'll give you a dissertation. Team Edward or Team Jacob? Sign me up for the latter, please. (Not under my real name, though. I am clinging to a shred of dignity here.)

Shameful? Maybe. But based on the fact that more votes are cast in the season finale of "American Idol" than in Presidential elections, I'm not the only one. The truth is that sometimes, the superficial, not-so-realistic reality offered on TV is much easier to handle than actual reality. When I go to school and hear a kindergartener talk about how her baby sister went to Heaven, and when a former acquaintance stands accused of taking that baby's life, the last thing I'm ready to do at the end of the day is tackle any more Serious Issues. Maybe someday, I'll go back to reading Important Books and seeing Important Movies, but for now, I'm all about the brain candy...and counting the days until The Bachelorette debuts next Monday.

Don't judge me.