Keira on the Case

It's been 10 years since I've seen red and blue lights in my rearview mirror (intended for me, at least), but on the way home from spending Ellie's birthday at Disneyland, I got pulled over for speeding. Not surprisingly, it wasn't the officer, but Keira who interrogated me. The following is just an excerpt of that conversation:

K: "Mom, why are you pulling over?"

Me: "Because there's a policeman behind us pulling me over."

K: "Why is he pulling you over?"

Me: "Because I was driving too fast."

K: "Why were you going so fast, Mom?"

Me: "I just wasn't paying attention."

K: "How fast are you supposed to go?"

Me: "I'm not sure. Probably around 70."

K: "How fast were you going?"

Me: "About 80."

K: "Why weren't you paying attention, Mom?"

Me: "Because I was thinking about other things...I need you to be quiet now while I talk to the officer."

[Officer and I do the "Do you know how fast you were going?" skit and he writes my ticket. Turns out the speed limit was 60 and he clocked me at 84. I think both of those numbers are false, but clearly I am not the authority here. As we drive away, Keira's questioning resumes.]

K: "What were you thinking about?"

Me: "Stopping to get gas now so we're ready to pick up Uncle Andy in the morning."

K: "Why are we picking up Uncle Andy?"

Me: "Because we're giving him a ride to the doctor."

K: "Why does he have to go to the doctor?"

Me: "Because he hurt his back."

K: "How did he hurt it?"

Me: "Lifting something heavy at work."

K: "What was he lifting?"

Me: "A box."

K: "How big was it?"

Me: "I don't know...you'll have to ask him."

K: "What's the doctor going to do?"

Me: "I don't know. Maybe try to fix it or give him some more medicine."

K: "How much medicine does he take?"

Me: "I don't know. I think some every day."

K: "How big is the bottle?"

Me: [chuckling] "I have no idea, Sweetie."

K: "Well, why wasn't the officer wearing a hat? He's not a policeman if he's not wearing a hat."

Me: "I don't know why some wear hats and some don't, but he was definitely a policeman."

K: "Did he give you a ticket?"

Me: "Yep. Now I have to pay some money."

K: "Why do you have to pay money?"

Me: "To help me remember not to drive too fast anymore."

K: "Well, why didn't you give him any money then?"

Me: "I'll get the ticket in the mail. I mail the money to someone else."

K: "Well, what happens if you get another ticket?"

Me: "The same thing. If you get a lot of tickets, they don't let you drive anymore."

K: "Well, why were you driving so fast, Mom?"

Me: [banging head against steering wheel]

If the pole dancing, trash collecting, teaching, baking, or superhero careers don't work out for her, it's good to know she can fall back on detective work!