Today at jury duty I started reading Stephen Colbert's I Am America, and So Can You! and became That Person Who Giggles Aloud By Herself in Public. I couldn't help it. I'm tempted to include a quote from the book in every post I make here, and in every conversation I engage in, from now until forever. Actually, what I'd really like to do is go to every bookstore in America with a high-powered eraser and replace the "by Stephen Colbert" with "by Crystal," though I think the huge photo of him on the cover would still give it away.
Here's an excerpt for ya:
"Females need to nurture constantly, so they hate any time alone where they are left to think, shower, or sleep. For a Mom to be happy, every moment away from her children must be filled with the soul-wrenching thought, 'am I a bad mother?'
The answer to that question is a resounding 'Yes.' Scientists have proven, one assumes, that every flaw in a child can be traced back to a mistake made by the mother. As adults we're all imperfect, so that means all mothers are incompetent. But some mothers are worse than others.
Take women who work. I don't care if it's CEO of a major corporation or three hours a week as a teacher's aide, if you work outside the home, you might as well bring coconut arsenic squares to the school bake sale.
A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren't. A messy house sends a coded message to children: 'I'm not loveable. Otherwise Mom would dust.'"
Poor Keira.
Stephen Colbert is hilarious! I'll have to check out his book. I wish I could watch him more on TV, but sometimes I think he's too "left-wing" for me. :-)
ReplyDelete