What Not to Wear: Preschool Edition

Three-year-olds are notoriously finicky about food. Mine, however, is far more likely to take at least a miniscule bite of something new on the dinner table than she is to alter her strict clothing policies, which are as follows:

1) Underwear, and occasionally "sleeping dresses" (nightgowns), are the preferred attire for every occasion. All explanations regarding why these options are not appropriate for restaurants or walks to the park will be met with disbelief and frustration.

2) When Policy #1 is vetoed by a tyrannical parent, sweatpants, leggings, and dresses are the only acceptable alternatives.

3) No jeans or any pants with buttons and/or zippers will be worn at any time.

4) All outfits must be monochromatic. The concept of a neutral color is foreign: black pants may only be worn with black shirts. Lemon yellow pants with pale yellow T-shirts are a perfect combination.

5) Plastic princess high heels go with everything. Especially underwear.

Clearly, Keira is the perfect candidate for a "What Not to Wear" intervention.

Keira, we've been secretly filming you for the past two weeks three years. Let's take a look at some of your fashion offenses, shall we?

Macaroni is not an accessory.


Layered socks went out in the 80's. And this many layers was never okay.


Seriously, what's with the socks, kid?


Gangster chic?


What are you, a 17-year-old boy? Pull up your pants!

Sweatshirt = sloppy. Sweatshirt + leis = Hawaiian Sloppy.

There is no such thing as snow fairies.


Now where are Stacy and Clinton to offer her $5,000 for a whole new wardrobe? Think of all the underwear and sleeping dresses she could buy!

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