Don't "Should" On Me!

My AP English teacher in high school, who inspired me to become a teacher, used to tell us all the time, "When writing about a novel, do not 'should' on the characters!" In other words, she wanted us to avoid casting judgement on the characters and writing something preachy-preachy, like, "Romeo and Juliet should have been more rational instead of acting so impulsively." Ms. Miller was a wise woman and taught me a million things, but one thing she apparently didn't teach me was not to "should" on myself!

I have serious "should" issues. I've always been a goody two-shoes, and almost always follow the rules: I never ditched school, I recycle, I return my grocery cart to that little corral (okay, most of the time), and I never cross that double-yellow line to get into the carpool lane. Unfortunately, my brain hasn't yet figured out that "should" really doesn't apply much to certain aspects of parenting, especially when it comes to babies--hence, the tendency to obsess over sleep books/techniques.

"I should be getting her into a routine."
"I shouldn't let her nap in the swing."
"I shouldn't let her depend on the pacifier."
"I should let her fall asleep in the bassinet, not on me."
And on...and on...and on.

Ellie has been waking up every 2-ish hours throughout the night lately, and the urge to go consult the sleep books and constantly scrutinize everything I do in order to "fix" it always looms in the back of my brain. But, you know what? There's a jillion dollar industry related to getting babies to sleep: books, DVD's, womb sounds teddy bears, crib aquariums, swaddle blankets, white noise machines, cribs that rock like swings...and I begin to think that if something is this big of a "problem" for so many people, maybe it's not a problem at all. Maybe it's just the way it is, and we (and by "we" I mean "I") have to stop fighting it and just chill. Kick back. Let it be. Soak it up. Go with the flow. Really, is snuggling a baby in the late hours of the night and/or wee hours of the morning the worst thing in the world? Methinks not.

Who are these babies, anyway, who just lay there all by themselves--no pacifier, no nursing, no motion, no music, nothing--and fall asleep in their cribs, at regular intervals during the day and for long periods of time at night? I'm beginning to think they only really exist in books written by "sleep experts," and on the internet, where it seems that baby sleep is a competition and those whose sleep through the night soonest win. As much as I'd love (adore...nay, worship!) a full night's rest--or even 4 or 5 hours in a row once in a while--and as hard as it is to resist sometimes, I'm opting out of that particular race and choosing not to worry about when this baby will sleep longer, or whether I'm doing something "wrong" that's preventing her from doing it now. Instead, I'm going to enjoy the coos, smiles, and squeals she rewards me with every day in exchange for the sleepiness and the few extra pounds she's inflicting on me right now.

I know that one day, probably before I know it, I will feel rested again, and will have the energy to suffer through that "30-day Shred" more than once a week. Right now, I'm focusing on trying to ease up on the "shoulds" and give myself credit where credit is due: I'm finally squeezing back into my old pants again, I'm succeeding as the sole source of nutrition for one very roly-poly, healthy baby girl, and I'm part of a pretty happy little family of four...so I must be doing some things right!