Failure is Definitely an Option!

During the past few weeks, every day has felt like either a smashing success, or a dismal failure, with very little in between. For someone who didn't cry at her own wedding, or at the birth of either of her children (even during the actual delivery part!), I've shed more than my usual quota of tears over the failures, but am also making sure to appreciate the successes. For example...

I've been searching online for little crafts and activities I can do with Keira when Elliana naps during the day, and up until a few days ago, all of them had been met with ambivalence, at best. I could practically hear her muttering, "Lame!" as I tried to get her to walk the "tightrope" I made on the kitchen floor out of blue painter's tape, and our attempt at making Froot Loop bracelets went awry when she decided that Froot Loops are yummy to eat--screw the jewelry.

The other day, though, I found an empty oatmeal container and decided we should make a drum out of it, so we busted out the paint and her Dora & Boots paintbrushes, and I had her paint one piece of card stock red and another one blue. I taped white paper over the oatmeal container, and then helped her cut the red and blue papers into strips and tape them on to make stripes. Very patriotic, no? (Who am I?!) Keira thought this was an exercise in pure awesomeness.

Here she is, making the Important Toddler Decision of the Day: "Do I paint with Dora first, or Boots?"



And here's the finished product in action:


Fresh on the heels of that success, we decided to make a family outing to the Wild Animal Park the next day. Fail, fail, fail. It was about a jillion degrees out, with no shade to be found, and though Bear and I were quite excited to take Keira through the new dinosaur attraction, we soon learned that toddlers + animatronic prehistoric creatures = the stuff nightmares are made of. She kept crying, "She doesn't like dinosaurs!" and cowering against Bear's shoulder as he carried her through the whole thing:



After spilling a giant tub o' lemonade all over the place, Miss Kiwi-Fruit and her chaperones headed off to look at some real animals, and did have a bit of fun for a while--note the joyful smile featured in this photo, which was soon to turn into hysterical tears:

Why the hysterical tears? Well, her little legs were tired, and while one might think that problem could be solved by the nifty Sit n' Stand stroller I bought not too long ago...one would be wrong. The stroller cost $125, but Keira has a strict policy against riding in it, and prefers to walk. Walking, as you might know, is free. Don't get me started on how badly my cheapskate instinct is injured every time I think about what a waste of money that thing was! Anyway, a giant tantrum ensued, and we made a quick exit, all of us hot, exhausted, and cranky. Well, except Ellie:

On the way home, there was one point where Ellie woke up hungry, and Keira dropped her sock, and both girls were crying loudly and in stereo. Bear and I looked at each other and started laughing--what else can you do? So, the Wild Animal Park was a giant failure. Oh, well. No huge deal.

What was a huge deal was that today, Keira started going to the neighborhood preschool we checked out yesterday. My plan has been for her to go one morning a week, get some interaction with other kids, do some crafty/messy stuff I don't usually have time to do with her, and give me some time to cram in housework, exercise, a nap, and/or waste the entire time on the internet. I dropped her off at 9:30am (she yelled, "Bye, mom!" and took off to play without a backward glance, which made me feel pretty confident she'd be fine) and called to check on her at 11, only to be told that my little girl had been crying for me off and on.

Of course, this is no big deal for experienced daycare/preschool operators, but I'm the kindergarten teacher who actually cried along with the weepy ones on the first day of school this year; plus, this is my own flesh and blood we're talking about here. I felt awful, especially because this whole idea was mostly about giving ME a break, and now here was Keira, suffering for it. Then I left to go pick her up a little early (after resisting the urge for a full 30 minutes) and found that my car wouldn't start...and at that point, with my Kiwi crying for me and unable to get to her, I had to go ahead and cry myself and call my mommy, who came and rescued us all.

I got there to find Keira sobbing quietly as she ate her lunch, and my heart pretty much broke right there in Miss Pattie's living room. As soon as I hugged her, she sobbed, "She's--ready--to--go--hommmmme--now--Mama!" Even as we were leaving, though, I asked her if she wanted to go back and play again another time, and she said, "Yes." I've talked to her about it lots today since then, and she said, "I missed you and I couldn't find you," but says that she won't be sad next time and that she had a fun time there....so, I guess we'll try again next week and see what happens.

Tonight, we continued Operation: DaddyTime with Ellie, which is also a struggle most nights. We're trying to get her used to taking a bottle, and to going to sleep for Bear and not just for me, in direct response to Keira only being able to nurse to sleep for the first year of her life. Besides that, I can't hog all the snuggly baby bonding time, can I? So far, she's not into the bottle for the most part, but she and Bear are working on becoming a team, and I'm working on not barging in and taking over (even though it's so hard to hear her cry!). It's getting better each night, and I'm really proud of Bear, but it's definitely stressful, and we'll be glad when we can declare this operation a success.

We are totally due for a good day tomorrow. Ya hear me, whoever's in charge?!