Just call her Bob Dole.

Or Shaquille O'Neal...or that annoying Suede guy from this (ultra-lame) season of "Project Runway." What do all of these people have in common with my daughter? Apparently, they all find it necessary to speak of themselves in the third person. For example:

• Cubby falls down and cries out, "She fell down and got a ouchie!"
• She tries to reach something on the counter and yells, "She can't reach it!"
• She hides in the pantry, and we ask, "What are you doing in there, Binks?" She replies, "She's pooping!"

She also seems to be a future screenwriter, because she loves to feed us our lines: if she wants a bite of Daddy's cereal, she'll crawl up beside him and say, "Do you want a bite, Sweetie?" That's Bear's cue to repeat his line, and for Cubby to then be surprised and delighted at his generous offer.

If she's hungry, she'll come up to me and say, "Would you yike a snack?" and I, in turn, take this as a subtle hint that she would yike ME to offer HER a snack. It's a cute little game, if you don't mind feeling like an unpaid actor in a really boring sitcom. Yesterday, she ran into the neighbor's yard yelling, "That's not our yard, Sillyhead!" Hey, at least she pays attention to our Mom- and Dad-isms, even if she doesn't obey them sometimes.

My kindergarteners, on the other hand, seem to have more in common with a Quentin Tarantino script than anything else--my, what foul mouths they have! For instance:

• One of my partner's students brought in a stuffed dog to represent the letter "D," and Elizabeth joked that the dog seemed to be shedding on her. She asked the kids, "Do you guys know what 'shedding' means?" One kid immediately yelled out, "It means pooping!" I'm pretty sure he thought she said the dog was sh*tting on her.
• I was showing them picture cards and having them come up with rhyming words. When a picture of a kiss came up, I said, "What rhymes with kiss?" and about three of them yelled, "Piss!" Elizabeth later pulled out a picture of a duck and started to ask them what rhymes with that...and then quickly said, "Never mind!" and moved on. You can't be too careful with these kids.

This week in kindergarten would have driven me to drink, if I could: there were tears, vomit, tantrums, and general hyperactivity (none of it mine, by the way) that made three days more than enough before I was happy to head back home to Toddler-ville for the rest of the week!

Speaking of drinking, the McCain/Obama debate is tomorrow night. Could there BE a more perfect opportunity for a drinking game? Let's do shots (root beer for me) every time...

• McCain refers to his P.O.W. experience
• Obama mentions "hope" or "change"
• Either of them makes that Politician Fist With the Thumb on Top gesture
• Either of them tells an anecdote about a Real American he encountered on the campaign trail
• Any mention of the words "maverick" or "community organizer"

That ought to leave everyone pretty sloshed within the first 30 minutes or so, which will then make the remaining 7.5 hours of the debate far more interesting...